I was wondering how i can be child again. Not literally, but by doing some infant stuff. Like sleep over at my grandma's home (yeah thats is my 2nd home- always some part of memories would catch me in my present being and also in future) or eating sweet, unhealthy things and don't care about calories. Because of one simple reason - i don't even know that they exist... Anyway. In my head i have started realising, that i'm becoming an adult- and it scares me . So much that -as always i wanted to be and felt older than i actually was. It scares my that i have just? is it just or enough? two years to fully grown up. This year im going to turn 18. So according to Polish high school i supposed to end up it in age of 20,5. (one year later than people in my age because of an exchange year in usa-ill write about it in future post) Later on i would feel guilty if i won't grow up. I don't wanna be child foever. Do I?
Thing that scares me the most is fact that i would have to run everything by my own. Pay everything each expenses for myself. Start going to a job - which i actually don't have to love , even like. That in some point people would start asking not comfortable question, because when they do think that you are an adult- they can ask you for whatever they want to. You are not a child they'll say. You not supposed to be worrying about my stupid questions. Really? So why would you ask ?
That's part of growing-up. I know that it will happen. Maybe that's why i have started thinking about time machine, rainbows and cookies-no calories? Maybe that's why i still not sure who i wanna be in future?
When i was little to each question my parents found an answer. I still even don't know how, but as I see being grown up women, being an adult :
A lot of questions. Not a lot of answers.
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